Moving on...

Dear friends,

Our blog has migrated again...

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love, the Grigs,

aka Grigori Rho Gharveyn, Greg Gourdian, etc, et al...

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Thursday, May 22, 2008

Recent Events

Mmm... yes we've been away for a long time again... Not to worry though, we are feeling pretty good at them moment in spite of the usual problems.

For those who don't know, we have been a chronic depressive with lots of suicidal ideation in the past but are working hard at recovering from that. Drugs don't help with the depression or our pain so we mostly do it the hard way, by deep analysis of our behavior and the motivations underlying it.

What we have learned over the years has been augmented and reinforced on this last trip into our depression. Nothing too special, clinically, just serious issues with intimacy. We have non-consciously alienated pretty much everyone who loves us in the past but are getting a grip on how and why we do that.

It's a defense mechanism.

As is typical of such defense mechanisms, we have outgrown the need to be afraid of the people who love us, but the automatic responses to defend ourselves by driving away the people who love us or abandoning them still kicks in. It makes us seem pretty stupid at times, we fail to respond to people appropriately or appear to live in a world of our own (which we do).

Nonetheless, we are working hard to fix this and appreciate your help and understanding. If we have upset you in any way please talk to us about it as we most likely had no conscious intention of doing so. It may have been a simple misunderstanding but too often it is our defensiveness trying to drive away people we love who also love us.

If you are one of our old friends from a BBS or Spirit chat room who has not seen or heard from us in a long time, we are sorry to seem to have abandoned you.

We remain in terrible pain all the time; the worst part of that pain is emotional, our loneliness.

We get overwhelmed in chat sites and eventually retire from them as we become more depressed by being in contact with people, particularly the people we love most. It may seem a bit odd, but the more we are involved with people we love the worse our feelings of emotional pain and isolation become.

That is part of what we need to change about ourselves. We need to learn to allow people to love us without driving them off or running away.

We won't make any commitments to return to chat sites, as they consume too much precious time, however we will try to stay in touch with email and IMs when we hear from you, and you are welcome to contact us anytime.

We do love you all, and we hope to become better friends with every one of you.